Dodge the bullet

It’s October. Winter is on its way. The old wooden boat has been prepared for winter storage. It will remain on land for seven months. Fortunately, the winter does not last for seven months, but it takes a couple of months to prepare the boat for the summer season again.

My girlfriend went to work less than three hours ago. I have already been out for a walk and drinking coffee on my regular bench in the small park a few blocks from here. Only the occasional dog walkers and joggers were out this early.

Even though it is autumn, the sun is shining. The leaves on the trees and on the ground have warm colours and make me feel warm inside even though the temperature drops every day. Up in the clear blue sky I see single families of geese, or maybe they are flocks of several families together heading south. Later these flocks will join with other flocks and use their experience, known landmarks, rivers, coastlines and mountains to get to their destination. I wonder if they only fly by day or if they could fly by night if the moon is bright enough? Maybe they can navigate using the stars as well? I love sitting in the park and letting my mind travel. I love the idea that if a goose up there gets problems on the trip and falls from the herd, another, maybe a strange bird will fall off with it so that they can keep going together later.

Home from the park I sit down in front of the typewriter with a new cup of coffee. I like to think of it as a typewriter even though it is of course a computer. Today I am a writer. Full time writer for the first time in my life. This is something I have been dreaming about for the last twenty years. Actually, much longer, but it was only about twenty years ago I ended up in a somewhat free artist environment for the first time. Fame is not my driving force. It is the opportunity to be able to dream, create space in my life and fantasise full time that has gradually lured me into this new situation. It feels delicious, free and as if a ton has been lifted off my shoulders. I do not know how long I will be a full time writer because I do not really think that I can generate enough income to make a living from this. Or any income at all for that matter. But I have enough funds available to manage without income for at least one year.

It feels good that my calender is empty! A full calendar and a crazy itinerary does not equal productivity. At least not for me. In a corporate world the constant busyness is synonymous with being important. I am glad the endless meetings, buzzing notifications and my busyness is over for the time being. If I ever go back I hope I’m a little wiser than I used to be.

“Everyone thinks I dodged a bullet – but I think I shot the gun”, Greg Laswell sings. For me, it was the other way around. It was not really that difficult to dodge the bullet cause the bullet had been heading towards me for a while now. It was only when it was within striking distance, I noticed that it was not an ordinary lead bullet. It was not made of gold either, but it was at least made of silver or another precious metal.

Life does not come with any guarantees regarding length, content or quality – so here I am in the middle of it trying to make the most of it. There’s a lot of life wisdom in song lyrics, and Kenny Rogers sums up my choices just when the bullet was on its way; “You´ve got to know when to hold´em, know when to fold´em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” So I folded my cards and ran away from the rat race.

Sometimes in life you just have to dodge the bullet and jump on the slow train coming. I did, and I have no regrets so far. And maybe time will show me that there is more to life than steady income and predictability. Life can not just be about surviving the storm. You must also be able to dance in the rain.