The years we lived

We may only have two to four years in our lives that are absolutely optimal. Ferdinand Von Schirach says something about this in his book Nachmittage. Like Ferdinand, I react to the suggestion that two to four years is all we have. It seems too short a time to define an optimal life. But just like him, I realise that it is actually quite accurate. When I think back on my life, which has been both privileged and good – I realise that there are only about four years that stand out as unique. The rest are repetitions, copies or years that flew away and drowned in noise, chores, tasks and just time passing by. Years without special episodes that stick out memorably.

I never dreamed that my life would be anything special. I have always seen my role as a supporting role in life’s situations. Rarely a leading role. I am most comfortable in the edge zone of where I don’t stick out. I’m not the man in the middle of the arena. Despite this, I have been no stranger to stepping up if the situation called for it. Even taking the lead when required. But this is not something I have actively sought. Nor is it those years that define the best time of my lived life.

I only find about four years where I can really sit back, sip my morning coffee like I’m enjoying a good glass of wine and nod like to an old friend; those years! I really lived them to the fullest! And it’s not the years where I earned the most or had the most financial freedom that stand out in my mental album either. Surprisingly, it is the year where I should have had memories of cramped quarters, bad advice and worries about so much. But these years contain memories and episodes that I catch myself smiling at here as I sit by myself. The memories from these years are so strong and good that I can let my mind fly above and experience events, the whole situation and selected episodes again and again. I fly like John Darling in the gang of Peter Pan. Not the best flyer, but just like me he looks happy in his supporting role.

Bob Dylan also says something about the time one would like to have more of in the song Bob Dylan’s Dream:

I wish, I wish, I wish in vain,; That we could simply sit in that room again.

Ten thousand dollars at the drop of a hat

And I’d give it all gladly if our lives could be like that…

It may well be that there will be several memorable years ahead, even though I have passed the high noon now. But if it turns out to be the case that it was those four years I really lived, then I live very well with that.

Photo by Grant Ritchie, Unsplash