“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Maya Angelou
Lifa at half past two
Lately, I have had a lot of alone time. I have always enjoyed spending time by myself. Have time to think. Time to ponder. Time to talk to my cat and myself. Saturdays are the best days for alone time, although I am alone all the other days too, but Saturdays are the best. A…
Closure
I dreamed about my dad for the first time in my life last night. In the dream he was seriously ill, but exactly as I have seen him in pictures. I was just a child when he left this world, so I don’t remember him very well in real life. I never really got to…
Eleven
Every time I see you, you just drift into the horizon. You come as unexpectedly as always. Every time, it surprises me how worn and ravaged you have become. You are beautiful in a way that Nastassja Kinski was in my youth. Shy, mysterious and dark. But no one can say you are sexy, where…
The Night Manager
It was the middle of the night. I was standing outside in the street down in the harbour quarter and the blood was flowing fresh from the cut in my skull. The cut was about 5 inches long and razor sharp. I thought it was a bit strange that there was so much blood in…
Just one more time
The days are getting shorter, and it’s getting darker every day. The leaves that are still on the trees hang there mostly in defiance or because they have rusted as the colour suggests. A few months ago, they were young and flapping freely in the wind as if life would last forever. Now the wind…
Far away friend
It was a couple of hours after sunrise. I sat at my regular table outside the Havana Vieja restaurant at South Beach and enjoyed my first Montecristo of the day and my second double espresso. I was up early and had left the hotel before the sun was up. Strolling along the beach at sunrise…
Circling the drain
You don’t have cancer. Not cancer, I replied. Did we think I had cancer? The doctor looked at me over her glasses. No, we didn’t think so. I didn’t even know why the doctor had called me in for the appointment, and now it had been determined that I didn’t have cancer. Are there more…
The endless summer
It was summer vacation. Finally, I had time off. It was sunny every day. We lay on our backs in the grass holding our arms up, with our thumbs and mid fingers together, and measured how much blue sky we could see through the gap. This summer it was blue both inside and outside the…
The one that almost got away
“I thought you got out of this mess! Are you still in this business?” Cato slammed the beer glass down on the table so hard that the beer foamed. We had previously worked together in various projects, but that was a few years ago now. “You gave us all hope that it was actually possible to…
Burn after reading
Andrew was back in the office after two weeks in Asia. Often, people go to Bangkok or Phuket when they travel to Asia, but not Andrew. He had told some funny stories from his previous visits to Bangkok. This time he had ridden a motorbike up to Sop Ruak, also known as The Golden Triangle, where Thailand,…
La Bodeguita
We were standing in Empedrado Street in Havana. Through an open door we could see some free seats at the bar. The bar was originally called Casa Martínez, but since it was the bar in the middle of the street quarter, it came to be called Bodeguita del Medio by the locals. We ordered mojitos. While I was…
BOWIE
Heroes just for one day… Ever since I was a young boy in search of myself, music has been a big part of what defines me. Many artists and bands were played, and I thought many of these songs would become the soundtracks of my life. However, the vast majority of these have not followed…
The Doctor
It is really good that you came now! The doctor grabbed my hand with both his, looking like an insect just before the prey receives its deadly poison. The insect-like expression was enhanced by his glasses which were so thick they made his eyes appear like small dots behind the frames. The others in the waiting…
The memorial
It was a Friday in June. The sun was shining from a cloudless sky and the temperature was up to 30 degrees Celsius. That is 86 degrees Fahrenheit. As usual, I was early. The only funeral I want to be late for is my own. As I waited for the clock to approach twelve, I…
John
I first met him years ago. Initially, I thought he was quite a bragger. He told stories that couldn’t even be halfway true. Like the incident where he pissed a polar bear right in the face and other stories that seemed at least exaggerated – to put it gently. His father had been a trapper…
The years we lived
We may only have two to four years in our lives that are absolutely optimal. Ferdinand Von Schirach says something about this in his book Nachmittage. Like Ferdinand, I react to the suggestion that two to four years is all we have. It seems too short a time to define an optimal life. But just like…
The Criminal
Today it happened again. As I passed the police car, I noticed some commotion and an outbreak of something that looked like panic among the two police officers. In the rearview mirror, I saw the police car swerve and brake so fast that I almost thought it was going to flip over. I realised at…
Anthony´s legacy
“Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a…
Arnel
When I grew up, I had an uncle. I had several, but this story is about my uncle Arnel. We weren’t related as such, but I still regarded him as my uncle. I was not related to his wife either, so how I came to consider him to be my uncle is unclear. Either way,…
On top of my game
The alarm clock rang early despite the fact that I had the day off from work. I got up, poured myself some coffee, and set up in front of the computer. I was excited as always. I was wondering if I managed to get tickets when the ticket sales opened. I felt my heart beating…
The cabinet
“Ladies and gentlemen – this is your captain speaking. We are approaching the airport”. The engines hummed and the flaps on both sides of the plane flapped as if our lives depended on them. For a moment it seemed as if we were floating completely still in the air. The captain came on again; “The weather…
Youth
We’ve all been there. It was a time characterised by uncertainty and awkwardness. It was an existential period. Who am I? Who would I become? And daring to become who you are inside. Who would and should you be? Would one ever get into a position where it became natural to kiss a girl? Or…
The old gang
We were supposed to meet at five. It seems we met earlier and earlier the older we got. Ten or fifteen years ago we would have said eight o’clock in the evening. Not five in the afternoon. That wasn’t the only thing that had changed. George had a thing with flour he had to explain…
The scars we carry
There was a lot of grey weather, rain and constant fog in the town I grew up in. As I remember it, it rained every day. Not all day, but several times each day. There was a smell of wet, salty, wellies, rain gear and damp wool everywhere in my childhood. Down by the harbour…
Dare not to sleep
My mother often talked about the Fischer children. Always in a way as if she had something to do with their fate. She told the story with a guilty conscience. Every time with tears in her eyes. The Fischer family had a clothes store in town and were active in social life. Hermann and Gusta…
The Suitcase
When I was just a kid a suitcase was delivered to our house. I did not understand the significance of the suitcase or what it represented at the time. I saw it several times and every time it appeared it brought nothing but anger to our house. It contained clothes, but I could not understand…
It´s in the last box
It’s been 16 years now. 16 years since mum died. Being the collector that I am, I felt a responsibility that none of the old papers were thrown away until I had looked through them. My siblings did not feel the same need and threw everything they found unseen. But I was able to save…
All inclusive
We drove from Havana early in the morning. The roads were surprisingly good. Although there were horses, chickens, goats and big potholes on the Autopista Nacional, the trip went much better than the rumours suggested. After just over 200 kilometres we were able to check in at Villa Playa Girón. This was a two-star all-inclusive…
The island
Some time ago I visited a friend who has a summer house on an island down south. He calls it a summer house, but he grew up here. The vast majority of the houses on the island were originally residential buildings. Today there are not more than a couple of hundred people living on the…
Memory was a stranger
A friend and I had a discussion over lunch the other day about books we have read and concerts we have attended. He told me about a recent concert where a woman next to him recognised him from another concert where she also stood next to him. The latter concert was a big event with…
An artistic travel project
In the city where I grew up, there were several shops selling funny combinations of goods. One of these stores sold paint, wallpaper, flooring and; perfume. The owner’s son was a few years older than me, yet we were very good friends. He was someone I really looked up to as a role model. He was righteous…
I´m telling you for the first time!
We walked along Delancey St on the Lower East Side in New York City. It was snowing light and my friend from down south argued this was a blizzard. We passed 138 Delancey St where the Jewish restaurant Ratner´s used to be. An emergency room is located here now. Ratner´s was originally located in Pitt…
The Circus has travelled on
I am out of the circus arena again. Now I remember why I jumped off the carousel last time. But this time it was not the elephant in the room’s fault. Not all the fantasy animals the architect brought with him either. Nor was it the fault of the economic line dancers, the jugglers, the…
When in Cuba
When you land at José Martí International Airport in Havana, Cuba, it’s like traveling back in time. To a time without any particular security measures. It seems that all the security measures we had to go through in Paris before we boarded the plane that was to take us here have also been forgotten by…
The Red Castle
It was early morning. The air was a bit crisp and dewy, and a morning fog was hanging over the bus station. The air smelled like a combination of grass, pollen, fruit, and rubbish. We had water and provisions for lunch as well as luggage for a couple of days. There were few people at…
Californication
Years ago, it must have been back in 2014, my girlfriend and I went to California for a dinner. It sounds silly to travel twenty hours for a dinner. Even more silly when I tell you we went there for only four days. Four days only. Twenty hours to get there and twenty back. We…
Marriage at first sight
The room was full of people in long dresses, high heels, tuxedos and people from all corners of the world dressed in ethnic costumes. There was an intense but low hum throughout the room. Some were busy greeting old acquaintances while others wanted to make new ones. Everyone in this room had a story to…
The Best Friend
She’ my best friend,certainly not your average girl,She’s my best friend,She understands me when I’m feeling dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-down. I hear Lou Reed’s fragile voice in the background. She’s my best friend! The world’s finest, best, most beautiful, faithful, cuddly girl with the best personality. We are born on the same day. Or rather on the same…
The Photographer
I received an email from Dino today. Dino is from Italy, is a professional photographer and takes pictures of everyday people. He has made it his life’s task to shine a light on people he meets by chance on the street. Last week he met me. Today he sent me the results. It is of course a little…
The Fisher King
He sat there again. On the pavement with a stone in his right hand and hit it to the ground. His clothes were pieces of cloth he had tied around him. Even the shoes were made of strips of cloth. He wore a huge gray coat. The hair was also like rags and inside all…
My city of ruins
It was a Sunday in April. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining from almost clear skies giving off a nice spring temperature. The trees in the parks had already been given a splash of colour by spring and the lawns were green. It was about nine in the morning so there…
The Circus
The construction industry is like the story of King Midas. But instead of everything turning to gold it turns into a circus. At least for a while before some buildings shine like gold for years to come. The circus was back in town! Or rather; the circus has been here all along, but I’m back…
The Playboy
It is Friday. The sun is shining and sends us hope that spring is coming soon. The radio is on, the cat is asleep in the basket under the table. I notice that the text in the book I am reading disappears as my thoughts begin to wander. I philosophise about everything from whether life should…
Exploring the past
When I was 13 years old I had a photograph of my father, which according to my mother was an 18-year-old version of him. The photograph was taken when he came back from sea, after the ship he was on had been taken by a British Royal Navy prize crew during World War 2 and…
The first concert
Many, many, many years ago I went to my first rock concert. I grew up in a time when rock was still a repressed art form. Of course, we got hold of the music on vinyl records, but there were few concerts where you could see great artists. We sat up all night to watch…
I´m an immigrant
I get by with my level of skills in the everyday digital demands of society today. Barely, I must add. If I was pushed five years ahead, I would fall behind with the pace of development today. I’m probably not the first generation to feel that way. When I look back to my parents’ generation…
A New Year
An epistle about the new year is expected to contain something positive, life-affirming or a hope. This text may not meet those expectations. The plague does not seem to go away anytime soon, so we can expect that 2022 will be more similar to 2020 and 2021 than 2019. I still have tickets for concerts…
The holidays
Firstly, I must apologise sincerely for not posting last Friday, which was also Christmas Eve itself! I can tell you all that it had been a very busy week. Not just for me, but for everyone around the world who celebrate Christmas. But was it really because I was so busy that I did not…
La familia
This is a follow up to the earlier story “An offer I could refuse” It had been two years since I last met Luciano and La Familia. Now I was having a conversation and a glass of wine with his daughter at a members club on the New York Upper East Side. I asked how…
Russian bratva
Excuse me? Do you ..? She stood a few meters away from the bench I was sitting on. She leaned forward a little as if she wanted to be much closer but didn’t dare. She looked a little scared. Afraid and curious at the same time. She wore a black short dress and heels. Her…
A fine musical instrument
Driving into Los Angeles, it is difficult to imagine that the centre of LA looks like a sleepy little town. On the highway there are eight lanes in every direction and constant exits and access ramps. After an hour drive, we had seen the rise and fall of at least fourteen suburbs in search of…
We owned the night
The tram meandered slowly down towards the city. It was dark outside even though the clock had just struck 4PM. The light from the shop windows hit the people on the sidewalk and gave them a cold glow. “Cold city lights glowing. The traffic of life is flowing”. The lyrics from Coles Corner flowed perfectly…
Winter is coming
This week, winter came to town. Not winter in the form of snow. But winter as in cold. Winter as in scarves, gloves, winter shoes and winter coat. I looked through the closet for my winter coat – and there it was! Clothes that hang in the closet for too long tend to shrink. You…
A new duck in the pond
It is already autumn. At least late summer. It’s almost a month since I quit my job to become a full-time writer. If not a true author yet, then at least I conduct research for a book project I have been working on for some time. All my working life I have had problems getting up in…
The Doppler effect
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I ran a pretty famous café. It was not just a café – but also a place where concerts were played, writers came to visit, and stand-up artists performed. At times, we dominated the culture pages of the local newspaper. This is often the case when you…
The best Thursday of all times!
Every time I think of this episode, my first thought is that it happened on a Friday. But it must have been a Thursday. Where else does the tradition of Thursday gatherings come from? The fact that the restaurant would have been completely full on a Friday so close to Christmas also suggests that it…
Dodge the bullet
It’s October. Winter is on its way. The old wooden boat has been prepared for winter storage. It will remain on land for seven months. Fortunately, the winter does not last for seven months, but it takes a couple of months to prepare the boat for the summer season again. My girlfriend went to work…
An offer I could refuse
We were in Queens and visited my girlfriend’s family. Her uncle was originally from Sicily and had worked as an accountant in New York his entire adult life. He was now retired and a little forgetful in his old days. His background as a Sicilian accountant and my penchant for old mafia movies played out…
The writer
– Hey! Can you lend me a fiver? I’m having the kids over this weekend and I´m completely broke! And a fiver can fix it? Here´s three hundred. It wasn´t actually a loan. It was more like a donation. I never kept any records of what he borrowed. And there was never any talk of…
Stumbling through life
My girlfriend and I wanted to try somewhere new and stopped by one of the last legendary surviving brown water holes in town. We were sitting in a kind of booth that was screwed to the wall in such a way that I felt like I was sitting on display. The light in the room…
Urban legend
Having lunch in the canteen at work is a ritual thing. Almost everyone sits at the same table with the same people who eat the same thing every day. But sometimes your regular chair is occupied, the usual lunch crowd is gone, or you happen to eat at different time. Then you must go through…
Cabin fever
When you are in one place for a very long time, you can get Cabin Fever. I got it once after being in one place for a very long time. All my life I had been in the same place. Seventeen years in the same place did something to me. I looked around; What can…
I didn´t kill him
We were on our way to Amphitheatrum Flavium – better known as the Colosseum – in the Eternal City. Many people had been out earlier than us this Saturday. The crowd coming towards us was almost as large as the one rushing towards the attraction. It was like navigation on a motorway with partial file…
Nightlife in Kraków
We were probably around ten colleagues in town this evening. For the second day in a row, we ate soup stuffed in a loaf of bread. It was just half good yesterday – and not much better today. It was called something else on the menu, but it was the same. Possibly the bread was…
Fisherman´s friends
– The guys have rented a cabin on the mountain! Exclusive and expensive. Costs twelve thousand from Thursday to Sunday, five bedrooms, jacuzzi, cable TV and all the good stuff! Wow! Sounds like crazy luxury. Cable TV on top of the mountain! Not bad! – There´s a huge fishing lake nearby and we will be…
Billy Bronco is telling you 